Wammy's crackiest fic EVA!
by Elion Oller x
Summary: Qullish Wammy owns a school. What happens when three students burst through the door? Lots of Misa bashing and crackiness. Laugh your bootay off. Original characters used.
1. Welcome, students

**Hi hi! This story is full of crack and stupidity. Before you read, I suggest you go take some crack right now. ...no no! wait, don't do it! *calls rehab* yay! xD**

"My, Watari. There are new children this year."

"I have realized that, Roger. Have you seen the children though?"

"Didn't you assemble an assembly?"

"Yes, I have."

"Well then let us go. We have a lot of rules to set down." Watari set down his pens and stood up, walking through the long halls of the 4 story school. He heard the chatters of the children, Roger; his brother who had agreed in opening the school walked alongside him.

Opening the doors of the auditorium, Watari walked down the aisle, children silencing to each step. The teachers were already on the stage, chattering with each other until Watari stepped foot on the stage.

"Welcome students to probably the best years of your life. I am Watari, your principal and head of this school. I have a couple of rules to set down. There is no fighting, cursing or disrespect with your teachers nor students. First warning, detention. Second warning, confiscation of anything that is of entertainment to you. Third warning, a meeting with the guidance consoler to find out what is wrong with you. Fourth warning; a parent teacher conference. And the final and fifth warning; you get expelled."

"You have also realized that this school has children of different cultures, so if I or Watari are to hear a racist joke; you get week long detention."

Soon the attention of the present students drifted as Roger's monotonous voice continued, tones blending with the clock's clicks forming a boring sleep inducing speech. As their eyes started to drop, the sudden commotion at the back of the auditorium soon drew their attention, doors bursting open seconds later, granting three heavenly figures access to the spacious room. Mouths dropped and eyes clouded over with lust as the gorgeous trio made their way to the front of the stage.

To the left was a short lanky brunet boy who's mesmerizing Celadon eyes hidden behind thin graceful glasses grazed over the crowd before setting on another handsome brunet. He smiled his perfect smile and waved at the handsome guy, slightly flipping his chin length brown hair. His jade green, short sleeve collar shirt proudly displaying the school's coat of arms and only buttoned on the two middle buttons revealing a perfect milky abdomen with a green leaf shaped tattoo placed to the left of his naval, bouncing brown curls, tight black distressed jeans, slightly worn green converse completing the carefree outfit. He glared as a blond bimbo suddenly clutched at the boy's arm, rubbing her access makeup covered face on his shoulder to the annoyance of both brunets.

Directly in the middle of the trio was a stunning beauty, slightly taller than her younger brother, who's flowing black hair bounced and swayed with each graceful step. Her dark green eyes oozing disinterest and heated temper, her perfect round face framed by her hair, light purple collar blouse unbuttoned enough to reveal her flawless tanned skin, black and purple striped tie tied around her naked neck and tucked between her breast concealing a erotically placed swirly purple heart tattoo, black frilly skirt ending just four inches above her black stocking clad knees, and lavender colored high heels finish ensemble. She turned slightly as she caught sight of unsightly messy black hair and sleep deprived eyes, only to slip and send herself into a collision course with the ground. Perfect eyes closed as she approached the ground, snapping open when she landed on soft firm muscles covered in a silky shirt, looking up when she felt long powerful arms wrap around her. Soon a staring contest ensued, vivid green eyes staring fondly at sleepy coal color irises.

An annoyed sigh departed from the tallest's lips as he dropped down next to an albino looking kid. Lips quirked as he notice the adorable blush that the milky haired kid soon tried to hide behind his rather large book. 250 pounds of pure muscle, Tanned caramel skin, mischievously crooked smile, short spiky black hair, rebellious black eyes, all in all, he was 6 feet of pure attraction. He confidently reached over and grabbed the literal barrier, forcing the whitenet's eyes on him, slowly lowering from his powder blue uniform shirt, unbuttoned to reveal perfected pecs and tight 6 pack, it's sleeves ripped off to accommodate his large bulging biceps, to his loose black jeans and black boots before raising back up to meet his eyes.

Soon after, Roger cleared his throat; catching the attention of the three show-stoppers. The brunet boy looked up, The raven female was helped up by the mysterious freaky good looking boy and the monster body builder stopped flirting to look up at the aging old man. "Judiance, Elioness & Eliotisen; you are rather late."

"Hey, hey. It's Jude. Not Judy. Not Judiance. Just Jude."

"Well, JUDE. You three are late on your first day. I do not think you want detention."

"Oh, Roger, Roger, Roger. There's no need for you to do that...Now is there?" The one going by Eliotisen looked up, his crooked smile making females & males swoon in lust.

"Exactly, Oldy-Chan."

"Elioness, I would like you to call me by my name."

"Then stop calling me Elioness, I do like my name...but it's so long."

"Well then, pardon me. I would like you three to sit down so I can continue."

"Tsk, tsk Oldy-Chan's being mean." Elion sat down next to the mysteriously good looking teen, smiling her pearly whites to swoon him away.

"Anyways, before I was interrupted. I want to inform you all that each and every single child here has worked hard for their entry to this school."

"Really, Geezer-Chan? If they all did, then what the hell is that blond bitch doing here?" Jude pointed at the blond who had the arm of his sudden interest.

"Judiance Aster Oller! How dare you speak like that in here! Detention on the first day, I'm ashamed."

"Detention?" Jude smiled and took out his Sidekick LX, pressing a button and putting on the puppy dog face. "Daaaaddy, Geezer-Chan wants to give me detention on the first day!"

"No, no! It was a misunderstanding!"

"Oh nevermind Daddy. It was a mistake, you know how old people are. Yeah yeah, what's my limit on my credit card? Yes? Yay! Okay, bye daddy! Love you too!" Jude hung up his phone and smiled.

"Hey hey! That's not fair! He called me a female dog!"

"Miss Misa Aname, detention!"

"What? But! No! Ugh! Fine."

"Report to my office after this assembly for details."

"Can Raito come with me?"

"No."

"But-"

"Enough."

"Fine."

Misa stood up, rolling her eyes at Jude. Jude snapped his fingers, causing a good looking Italian man in thick black glasses and a black tuxedo to appear out of the blue. "Giovanni."

The man going by Giovanni opened his jacket, Jude smiled and took out a long katana. "Look blonde, Giovanni, bleep this for me so Geezer-Chan won't have a heart attack. Anyways, look blonde (bleep) don't mess with me. The cutie there will be mine."

"...You think you're the only one?" Misa tapped her foot, A very tall woman walked through the door; short bob cut white hair and fierce yellow eyes. "Yes, Miss Misa?"

"Make him cry, Rem."

"Oh (bleep) please! I will rip your balls off, stuff them down your throat and make Giovanni (bleep) you with a broom until you cough them back up!"

"Uh, hello? I'm a female! A better looking female than her!" Misa made  
Rem point at Elion, Elion stopped playing around with her new interest's hair and stood up. "Excuse me? I don't even KNOW you."

"Well then control your thing of a brother, Raito is mines."

"She did not just call me a thing!" Jude jumped at Misa, luckily Eliot grabbed him and held him back. "Jude, calm down. Bimbo, listen to Moldy and go to detention."

"...Tsk, fine Hulk Hogan."

"Oh hell no." Eliot rose an eyebrow, thinking if it was right to let Jude kill the blonde bitch or just control his anger.

"Okay okay! All of you stop! Misa, two days detention for insulting Elion."

"But what the fuck!"

"Three days."

"That's not fucking fair!"

"Four."

"Why don't you just give me the entire fucking week you old hag!?"

"3 weeks."

"....." Misa turned around and bursted through the door, her freakish servant behind her. "Anyways, I want all the students to report to the cafeteria for lunch. Jude, Elion & Eliot...please refrain from the violence."

"Fine fine, Geezer-Chan. Giovanni..I'm hungry." Giovanni took Jude's katana and put it behind his back. He retreated his hands again and had a nicely made sandwich with a cup of peppermint tea.

"...that makes me hungry too..where's my black man?" Elion turned around, the black man that she had called for walked through the door. His hands full with a bowl of fruit and a cup of water. "Gosh, gotta love my black man." Elion walked out, Eliot followed behind her, his head shaking. Jude walked out, eating his sandwich. Winking at Raito before turning the corner.

In the lunchroom, Elion sat on the table filing her nails, Eliot sat next to her; reading a book. And Jude, he sat there staring at Raito. "Black man, give me red nail polish." The black man opened his jacket, a long scroll dropped down; revealing different shades and colors of nail polish. On the other side, he had a midget Chinese woman reading a magazine. "Me do your nails?"

"Oh em gee, black man. You're so thoughtful." The Chinese woman sat down next to Elion, taking her hand and doing her nails for her. "Red look pretty on you. Very pretty."

"Eliot, what are you reading?" Eliot looked up, closing his book and handling it to the tall, Asian man standing next to him. "Don't worry about it. I'm going to go..flirt with the albino cutie over there." Eliot stood up, walking off. "Now that he's talking about flirting...Black man. Get me that freaky cute guy that broke my fall." Black man walked off, coming back seconds later with the guy Elion had asked for. "Okay, you're freaking adorable. I like you. Walk with me, talk with me."

"We're not walking."

"Hey, hey. Don't make me make Black man hit you."

"Forgive me. I'm Rue Ryuzaki."

"Ryuzaki. That's a cute name. I'm Elioness Leona Oller. But call me Elion...or your future girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" Ryuzaki blushed, looking away.

"Uh, ya. I like you. You saved me from hurting myself, so you're good with me."

Jude soon stood up and made his way out of the cafeteria and to one of the science labs.

"Giovanni assist me." Giovanni instantly appeared with a lab coat and goggles over his black tuxedo and black sunglasses, helping Jude into a lab coat the placing his goggles on for him.

"So when's your birthday, your very cute, what do you think about my nails?"

Within a few minutes, a rather loud explosion echoed throughout the school grounds. Seconds ticked by before Elion continued with her conversation.

"Bet you 200 American dollars that it was Jude."

Roger walked, red in the face, anger evident with each step.

"Someone managed to completely destroy one of the science labs! Does any one know who did it?!"

Both Elion and Eliot pointed at Misa without a moment's hesitation.

"What?! That wasn't me I was here the entire time, tell them Raito!"

Raito looked over at her, completely uncaring.

"I wouldn't know."

"Ok miss Misa, we will send your parents the bill covering the damage you've done to the science lab, and we'll also add 3 more weeks onto your detention time. One more strike and its expulsion."

"My parents are dead!!"

"Well then, we'll send it to your banker. Frankly dear, I don't give a damn."

"Well bye cutie!"

Elion and Eliot exited the lunchroom, giggling madly, each making their way to their brother's room, ironically room 666. Eliot barged into the room, not even blinking at the sight of his brother's blackened lab coat of comically spiked hair.

"So what did you make this time?" Eliot.

"Better be something useful, we had to cover for you by blaming that bimbo." Elion.

"A growth hormone for my plants." Jude.

"How is that useful?" Eliot.

"I dee kay." Jude.

"It was awesome when we blamed Misa." Elion.

"How'd that turn out?" Jude.

"Two strikes." Eliot.

"Got any ideas for strike three?" Jude.

"I'm thinking that growth hormone is useful." Elion.

"What the hell are you reading?" Jude.

"Don't worry about it." Eliot.

"Its probably Ichi Ichi paradise male lovers edition." Elion.

"No its not, it sweaty gay cowboys volume 3!" Eliot.

"..." Jude.

"..." Elion.

"..." Eliot.

"..." Giovanni.

"..." Black man.

"..." Bruce lee.

"Do they ever talk?" Elion.

"As if they need to." Eliot.

"But I would like to know how black man's voice sounds..." Elion.

"Okay, it would be nice for the author to end this chapter! In the next chapter, Jude, Elion & I plot to destroy Misa. Though I have nothing against her, it's still fun. & *gasp* We discover the true face behind black man, Giovanni & Bruce Lee." Eliot. *dramatic music*

**Well...that was...interesting. Before you kill me or Jude....WE HAVE NOTHING AGAINST BLONDES! But Misa's just so (bleep) stupid, it's hard to not to make her feel bad. xDDD**

**But anyways, review! **

**Hey hey, fluffy Eli Jude show! [We is on some monster drinks.]**


	2. This is WAMMYS!

"...Well, hello. I am Ryuzaki. Welcome to another chapter of...what's  
the name of this fanfic anyways?"

"Wammy's crackiest fic eva!" Elion threw her arms up in the air, causingthe random fanboys to oooh and ahhh at her bouncing chest.

"Remember children, crack is bad." Watari.

"What? No! Get out of here! Giovanni!" Giovanni opened his jacket, Judepulled out a bat; setting his green eyes at Watari.

"Don't beat up Moldy. It would make the other Moldy sad." Eliot.

"We have names, Eliot." Roger.

"I call you Moldy because I can call you moldy." Eliot

"May we please start this chapter already?" Ryuzaki.

It was a dark stormy night, thunder roared; animals running for  
safety...

"Not that way!" Ryuzaki shook his head and walked off the stage, Elion  
running behind him.

-

" Our second day here and we're already famous." Elion said as she  
walked alongside Eliot & Jude to the cafeteria for breakfast. Eliot was  
really into his book and well Jude, he was just plotting on how to  
destroy Misa.

"Giovanni." The silent man opened his jacket, Jude pulled out a book  
that said 'How to destroy stupid blonde bitches who want to steal your  
dream man in less that 20 minutes.'

"Jude, all you really have to do is bend and snap. That'll make Raito  
drool."

"The what and the what?"

Elion stopped in her tracks, her perfect pouty lips taking the shape of  
an O. "You don't know what the bend and snap is?"

"Apparently not."

"You've never seen Legally Blonde?"

"...It has to do with blondes. I'm trying to kill a blonde. Why would I  
want to watch a movie based on a blonde?"

"Because blondes are fun to watch."

"She does have a point there, Jude. I mean, what's better than looking  
at blondes falling and saying duh?"

"Me."

"...."

"You know I am 100% fabolousity." Jude bursted through the door,  
stopping everyone from what they were doing to look at him. "Oh look,  
the man stealer is here." Misa put her plate down and sneered, Jude rose  
an eyebrow and snapped his fingers. "Look (bleep) I will (bleep) kill  
you, I don't give a (bleep) if everyone thinks I'm a (bleep) bad person!  
I will make sure to (bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep)!!!!!"

"Go Jude. Oh hi, Ruru!"

"Ruru?"

"Ah, ya. That's my nickname for you."

"Ruru. What am I a digimon now?"

"Maybe."

"Can I get a better name?"

"Well your name is Rue Ryuzaki...Jude, please explain." Jude walked out,  
coming back as an adorable chibi in a lab coat and meter stick. Giovanni  
pushed in a big black board with Ryuzaki's name on it.

"Okay. Your name is Rue Ryuzaki. Elion has the choice of calling you, Zaki-Chan, Ryu-Chan or Rue. But since none of those sound cute enough,she decided to call you Ruru. Be glad she didn't call you Ruru-Chan."

"Ruru-Chan! Oh em gee! That's so cute! I'm so calling you Ruru-Chan from now on!" Ryuzaki glared at Jude, who had suddenly turned back into his normal height. "Thanks a lot, Jude."

"Your welcome." Jude giggled and skipped away; just to sit on Raito lap and smile.

"Black man....go find me a friend." Black man walked off, scanninganyone who he could see following Elion around. He set his eyes on a black haired, peachy glowing skin and striking sky blue eyes. She too had a little touch to her uniform; but Black man stopped and thought. He rather just not make the author explain all that.

"Black maaaaaaan. I asked you to get me a friend, not go to on  
vacation." Black man took the girl's hand, pulling her by surprise.

"Okay, before you say something. You're my new friend, because I said  
so. When I call you, I need you to pick up because I ish important.  
Black man here will provide you will a celly, so you can keep in  
contact."

"Uh...okay?"

"My name's Elion. Yours?"

"Anioko...Higu--"

"I asked for your name, not entire life. Black man, show her cellys and  
get me Ruru-Chan before he escapes."

Black man grabbed Ryuzaki before he could walk away and sat him next to Elion. "Mighty strong man..."

"Yep, that's my Black man."

"...May I go have my tea and cookies?"

"Um...Elion...I have a phone."

"Well this one is special. Cause daddy pays for it."

AT THE OLLER MANOR. *dramatic music*

"Honey! Do we have another child!?"

"No, honey. No. I'm pretty sure only three heads popped out my vajayjay, all 15 minutes apart!"

"So then why the hell did T-mobile just call me saying I activated  
another line?"

"It must be Elion and her black man giving out phones to people Elion  
wants as friends."

"Do you know what Black man's name is?"

"...Eduardo?"

"...."

BACK AT THE CRACK HOUSE *record scracthes*...ERR, I MEAN THE SCHOOL...

"Oops." Jude sarcastically said as he drained a complete bottle of growth hormone on Misa's head. Misa screamed...

SOMEWHERE IN JAMAICA..

"You hear that, mon? Big ass scream."

"It's probably yo sista mon, yo sista loud screamer."

"No mon, no."

BACK TO ENGLAND.....

"Oh my god. Oh my god, OMG! Misa! Your hair, your fucking hair omg!"

"TURN IT OFF OMG, TURN IT OFF!!"

"THERE'S NOTHING TO TURN OFF!!! OH MY GOD, RUN!!!!!" Shiori & Sayu ran like bitches, crazed running from the cops bitches. Misa was growing exponentially, from her head to her toes.

"RUN!!! It's GODZILLA!!!!!!" Matt screamed while pointing at Misa. Mello stood next him, glaring. "Godzilla? More like stupidblondbitchwhichmakesmelookbadzilla."

"RUN!! It's STUPIDBLONDBITCHWHICHMAKESMELLOLOOKBADZILLA!!!!"

"Niggah, stop fucking screaming!"

"Oooooo! You insult black man!"

"Just fucking run!!!" All the students ran out the school, Eliot, Elion & Jude high fived each other, each of their bodyguards behind them.

"JUDEEEEEE, I KILL YOU NOW!!!" Jude, Elion & Eliot looked up; Misa's big ass foot about to step on them. Black man, Giovanni & Bruce Lee pushed them out the way, just to get smashed by Misa.

"Noooooo, My black mannnn!!" Elion took out her blackberry and called her daddy. "Yes, Elion."

"Daaaaaaddy! Black man died protecting me. Sob."

"Wait, I have your brothers on the other lines. I'll put you three way." The three siblings all sniffed, got ready and then..."Daaaaaaddy! Bruce Lee&$$%^&*Giovanni was so cool*}%^&**&% Black man had a Chinese midget with him*$%^#$%^& Giovanni had awesome pockets^&*$^&*"

"Children please!. They were robots, and honestly....they hated you."

"What."

"Oh hell no."

"Bye black man!"

"But who's gonna protect me now...?"

"Look up at the sky." Three boxes fell on the ground, one purple, one green & one blue. "Thanks daddy!!" The siblings hung up together, running to their boxes.

"Gahhh! It's a bunny!!!"

"Ferret!!!!"

"It's a bull!!"

"I'm so calling mines Bellatrix!"

"I'm calling mah bunny, Kenny!"

"I dunno how to call mines...Eli!"  
_  
(Cameo)  
_  
I walked into the scene, Misa still going crazy. Hoards of screaming students and a VERY angry Watari. "Ey, ey. I want a name for my bull." Eliot.

"Yo, chill. You were based off of me. So hold your freaking horses." Me.

"Why did you make me call mines, Kenny?" Elion.

"Because Kenny is awesome. And no, not Kenny from south park before you even ask. Kenny, as in Kenichi Matsuyama." Me.

"Kenichi Matsuwhat?" Jude.

"Some Japanese guy she's crazy with." Real Jude.

"He sounds cute..." Elion.

"Well, he's mines betch. " Me.

"Could we please continue the story, the audience is getting impatient." Eliot.

"Name it horny until I think of something." Me.

The real Jude & I walked away; everything going back to how it was. Don't make me repeat myself because you're just a dumb idiot if you did make me.  
_  
(Cameo bye bye)_**  
**  
"...tehehe, horny." Eliot laughed at his comment.

"How about you call it Billy? I mean the name Bellatrix is awesome but I'm just too fucking lazy to pronounce the extra sillyble." Jude.

"It's only *counts fingers* 9 letters...and it's syllable, you idiot."

"...sillyble!!" Jude.

"Fine fine..it's still syllable." Elion.

"Can I ask why the author always put our name after each quote?" Eliot.

"I dee kay. I duun cur." Jude.

"I dunn cur." Elion.

"I don't care, you idiot." Jude.

"Hey, at least I'm...oh there's Ruru-Chan!" Elion runs after Ryuzaki, her bunny hopping after her.

"The one who has the shortest attention span ever." Jude.

"Where's my albino cutie..?" Eliot.

"What the hell...am I the only one..oooh, there's Light!!!" Jude.

--

Well, since Eliot, Jude nor Elion are focused enough to end this fic, I shall. The black man, Bruce lee & Giovanni were robots and got destroyed by Misa's foot. Apparently, Misa is a green giant and half the school is destroyed, but like all the freaking animes out there; everything always seems to be back to normal three seconds later.

So..just wait for the next chapter, I just know Misa Aname is expelled, deported, castrated. I don't know, but she is gone..now where's my tea...Roger, where's my tea? Watari.

Oh yeah, by the way....THIS IS WAMMY'S!!!!!!!!!! Mello.

-  
**Well that's the end of this chapter. Probably more retarded than the first one. But what can you do when you're bored and sugared? Review!!**

Hi hi fluffy Eli Jude show! (This time we're not even around each other but still managed to act like retards. xD


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